I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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