what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
