just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
