Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
