If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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