Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
