there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
