So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
