You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
