Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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