Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His nipple licking is glorious
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