Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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