did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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