I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was like eating out sand paper
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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