What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
