mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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