he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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