My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
