I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
