Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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