I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do vagina's smell?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
