Ambien. No doubt about it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
