Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
