Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
