He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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