her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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