cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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