she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
