I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
