JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
