Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
