i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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