Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
