Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
