You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.