I got her a Nickelback box set.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...