I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?