2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.