Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.