Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
