Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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