wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
