We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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