Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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