My hand turned me down
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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