At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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