Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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