In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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