Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
