You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
