you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
