Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Jerry, you need to find god
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
