i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
