only if we run a train.
done.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
