i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
