No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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