You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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