Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
