I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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