Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
