Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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