That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
