My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
