at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
