it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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