i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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