I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
