I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
