If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
