I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
