dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
