I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's just like the Real World with babies
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
