I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
