thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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