DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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