Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How does it feel to date your dad?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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