the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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