saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize