The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
