Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
