ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
