I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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