Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
