I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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