hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
