I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
tell me about the fingering
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