I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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