I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
