im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
