Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
