Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
