I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
