hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
