You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
