You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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