dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
